Broken and Beautiful
by Coneflower Adams
Summary: John wakes up after the fight from Alcatraz Island confused and disoriented. Maybe Bobby hit him in the head a little too hard…
1. John awakes to an unfriendly situation…

**Broken and Beautiful**

_Rating: PG-13, not sure how far I'm going to go with that rating, but so far nothing too bad.  
Disclaimer: I had a disclaimer that said Marvel owns the X-Men, but Pyro torched it!  
Summary: John wakes up after the fight on Alcatraz Island confused and disoriented. Maybe Bobby hit him in the head a little too hard…_

* * *

The first thing he felt was something fine tickling his nose. John scrunched his nose up trying to get it to stop, but the tickling continued. Finally, he gave in and went to brush away whatever it was.

But he found he couldn't raise his arm. "What the…" he started, and opened his eyes.

"Oh, you're finally awake," a cheerful voice said beside him.

John switched his blurry vision to the side where a big, blue fuzzy blob stood with a white lab coat on. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear the blurriness. "Who the hell are you?"

The blue fuzzball smiled. "I am Dr. Hank McCoy. Nice to meet you, John, even under these circumstances."

John struggled to move his arms, but restraints attached to the bed held him down. "What the hell is this? Some kind of kinky mutant torture?"

"No, son," McCoy chuckled. "You are at Xavier's School for the Gifted. You were brought here after you were found unconscious on Alcatraz Island."

It took a whole 30 seconds for the explanation to register in John's head. "What do you mean Alcatraz Island? Were we there on a field trip and something happened?"

Hank's jovial face contorted into puzzlement. "We were there protecting the Worthington Lab from being attacked by Magneto's Brotherhood."

"But I'm not part of the X-Men team, so why was I there?"

"You really don't remember do you?"

"If I did, would I be asking you, blue boy?" John replied, bitingly.

"You were part of Magneto's army. His right hand man so to speak." Hank slipped his glasses from his nose and stared intently at John's seething face. "How far back do you remember?"

John gulped down the lump forming in his throat. "I was living here. Bobby Drake was my roommate. I just started Danger Room sessions about three months ago. Is that enough for you?"

Hank _hmmed _and thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. I was warned that you should not be trusted."

"Go get Professor X! He can prove that I'm telling the truth!" John yelled, desperately wanting to get out of the restraints and rub it in this guy's face that he was telling the truth.

"I'm sorry, son." Hank frowned and said solumnly, "The Professor is dead."

"What the hell!" The word _dead_ sent shockwaves through him. He unconsciously fought against his restraints tearing the skin around his wrist.

"Please, Mr. Allerdyce. Calm down," Hank said, pressing one of John's shoulder's down onto the infirmary bed.

"Then get Dr. Grey! She can prove you wrong too!"

Hank's face dropped even more. "Dr. Jean Grey is gone as well."

John's breathing increased rapidly, almost into gasps like he had been plunged into freezing water, as the news hit him. The Professor and Dr. Grey were dead? What was this guy trying to pull?

"Get Kitty Pryde or Bobby Drake," he said more calmly though the edge in his voice was still present. "They can vouch for me."

"I don't think they will-"

John raised himself up as far as he could to scream in Hank's face. "Just get them NOW, you blue bastard!"

Hank sighed in frustration then stepped over to the intercom. The familiar voice of Ororo Munroe came over the speaker. "Can you send Ms. Pryde and Mr. Drake down here to the infirmary? We have a situation with Mr. Allerdyce, and he is desperate to talk with them."

"They're on their way down," Hank announced when he turned back to his charge. John was staring at the ceiling, his breathing still rough. He didn't move until the door of the infirmary opened. Bobby walked in with Kitty following. They didn't look too happy to see him, and John noticed it right away.

"What's wrong with you guys?" he asked, face contorting in confusion. "You look like I torched your dog or something."

"Stop acting, John," Bobby said, firmly. His fist curled into tight balls.

"I'm not freakin' acting, Bobby. I have no clue what's going on here!" He craned his neck as best he could to look around Bobby. Kitty was standing there, thumbs latched in her pockets and her gaze on the floor. John knew that look. She was upset or trying to avoid a bad situation. "What's wrong, Kitty?"

Kitty shifted her weight, half of her body showing from behind Bobby. "Stop playing around, John." Her voice was strained as if she'd be crying, and her eyes appeared to be puffy. "It's not helping with any of this."

John bore his teeth in a snarl. "If I knew what 'this' was, maybe I could stop whatever the hell I'm doing!"

"John, please," Kitty said, desperately.

"Yeah, John," Bobby chimed in harshly. "Don't make this any harder than it is."

"Would someone knock you two over the head to get some sense, because I DON'T KNOW what you're talking about."

Bobby shook his head as if disappointed with a child. "You're still a bastard." With that, he stormed out of the infirmary.

Kitty was left standing there meek and frail looking, thumbs still clutching the inside of her jeans' pocket. She bit her lip, staring more at John's feet than his face. He was staring at her face though, anger welling up inside him.

"I thought we were going somewhere," he said bitterly. "I thought you would be the _one_ to vouch for me or at least explain to me what is going on."

He heard Kitty gulp and had a glimmer of hope that she'd say something helpful, but she turned and walked out just as Bobby did leaving John alone with Dr. McCoy.


	2. John is visited by an old friend

**Chapter 2: In which John is visited by an old friend…**

"What will we do with him?"

Hank McCoy breathed out loudly, reading glasses curled in his large hand. He looked at Ororo unsurely. "I believe the only thing we can do is wait this out. If Mr. Allerdyce is not telling the truth then somewhere along the line he will drift from his story."

"But what if he is telling the truth?" Ororo countered. She glanced down at the desk in front of her – Professor Xavier's desk. She run her fingers over the desktop, barely touching the surface. Nothing had been moved. The thought of clearing the Professor's desk broke her heart every time she went to do it. Instead, Ororo had decided that she'd work from another desk in the office for now.

"Then we'll be dealing with a boy who doesn't have any memory of what he did while with Magneto." In a whisper, she added, "Who doesn't even know that he killed people."

"I doubt that'll be the case," Bobby spoke up, his voice full of venom. Everyone turned to him. Bobby pushed off the shelf he was leaning against to stand more in the center of the room. "He has to be faking this memory loss, so he could get out of being the bad guy now that Magneto is cured."

Hank shook his head. "I cannot get out of my mind the way he reacted when I told him the Professor and Jean were dead. He truly appeared to be shocked by the news."

"Then Pyro is a good actor," Bobby concluded, knowingly.

"I think someone should talk with him," Ororo said. She walked around the Professor's desk, arms folded. "Someone who knew John well, personally."

Bobby's face burned when her eyes landed on him. True, he was John's closest friend when John was still at the Institute. They were roommates, and spent many late nights in the kitchen together – Bobby eating ice cream; John chugging hot salsa and chips. Sometimes Jones – the kid who never slept – would join them and drink a soda while listening to the two older boys toss jokes back and forth.

It wasn't until the next morning when Bobby got to talk with his old friend. Hank had given John a full examination in the infirmary with Logan keeping guard just in case John tried to escape. But he didn't. John was angry and complained the entire time while dishing out pleasant insults toward the two older mutants.

"Even if you aren't faking this memory loss, you still can annoy me to the point of me wanting to run you through," Logan had growled.

John was moved to a secure room down the way from the infirmary. The walls were steel like everything else in the bottom floor of the mansion. There was a nightstand next to the bed, and a table and two chairs with a lamp stand nearby. A small bathroom was off to the right.

John settled in for the night, changing into the black t-shirt and pants they left him. The shirt fit fine, but the pants were a little long resulting in him curling the legs up to his ankles. He lay down, but barely slept the rest of the night. It was unnerving not having his lighter to fiddle with. Even with the flame igniters, he still kept his lighter in his pocket. Whether from losing it in that fight they claimed he was in or from someone at the Institute removing it, it was gone now.

The next morning Bobby found John sitting slumped over on the bed, elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped together. He looked up when the automatic doors slid open.

"So you people do feed prisoners," John remarked as Bobby set the breakfast tray on the table.

Bobby only stood by the door and stared at John intensely. John endured it for half a minute before looking up at his old friend, irritated. "Are you trying to prove something, Bobby, by staring at me? Do you think I might crack and admit this is all just a game?" John pushed off the bed, taking a step forward. "Well, I'm not, because this isn't game. I don't know what is going on here."

"You can't keep this up, John."

John's face burned with suppressed anger. "I thought you were my friend."

"I said the same thing when you left!" Bobby yelled. He stepped up to John until they were face to face. "You chose the easy side instead of sticking with the right choice. I thought you were better than that!"

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Bobby! If you're going to keep running me in circles then get out." The last two words were emphasized harshly.

"No, you need to stop this!"

Bobby had never seen John move so fast. He was up against the steel wall, breath knocked out of him before he could blink. One of John's hand held a wad of Bobby's shirt, and the other was pulled back into a fist ready to strike. John's eyes blazed as intense as the fire he could control.

"Stop trying to pull my trigger, Bobby! You know how easy I can lose it!

John's face was inches away and even through the rage, Bobby saw something. It was rare to catch John truly upset, but Bobby could see it and it struck a cord inside him. They stayed there in that position for several moments, their heavy breathing the only sound in the room.

Finally, John pushed of Bobby's chest and quickly sat at the table in front of the breakfast tray. "Get out," he growled. When Bobby didn't move, he slammed his palm against the table clattering the contents on the tray. "GET. OUT."

He didn't move for a long time after hearing the automatic door slid open and closed.


	3. John doesn't like what he see

**Chapter 3: In which John looks in the mirror and doesn't like what he sees…**

Bobby drew a blank at what to say when he met with Storm and Dr. McCoy after his visit with Pyro. He couldn't bring back concrete evidence that John was faking, but he could not get over what he'd seen and how John had reacted.

"Maybe we should send someone else to talk with him," Hank suggested. "Someone who will not set him off as easily. Is there anyone who was also close with him?"

Kitty, who had just arrived at the meeting, hesitantly spoke up. "We were good friends." She fidgeted with her jean belt loops then added with a frown, "We were becoming more than that a while back."

"Don't even think about being alone with him, Kitty," Bobby intervened.

Kitty turned to glare at him. "Have you forgotten I can walk through walls? He can't hurt me."

It was settled. Kitty headed to the bottom floor a few minutes later. She didn't know what she was going to say to John, or if he'd try to attack her like he did Bobby. She figured she'd play it by ear and hope for the best. She was, however, afraid of two things - one, that she'd realize John was faking his condition and feel betrayed by him again; and two, the issue of what happened between them when they were still close. She took a deep breath before pushing the button to open the automatic doors.

"Is everyone coming to take turns accusing me of whatever appalling acts I supposedly did?"

Kitty's frown deepened at John's words. She hadn't even been in the room two seconds and he was already dishing out the harsh comments. "No, John. I came to talk," she replied.

John lowered his gaze to the shiny steel floor, wishing Kitty would leave. "I don't want to hear it."

"You asked for an explanation, didn't you?" Kitty said, taking tentative steps over to the bed where he sat. She pulled a chair up beside the bed and sat down, eye to eye with him now. "I'll give it to you."

He looked up to meet her gaze. "Then what happen with the Professor and Dr. Grey? Wolverine and the doctor guy told me the basics, but I didn't get what they were saying. And this whole thing on Alcatraz." He shook his head in disbelief. "I was in that guy, Magneto's, army?"

"Yes, you were. You set cars on fire then Magneto threw them at us."

John chuckled to himself. "Flying flaming cars of doom? That sounds ridiculous."

"Now it does." Kitty shrugged. "But when those cars are coming at you, that's a different story."

Kitty went on to tell him everything, from how Jean supposedly died at Alkali Lake, to how he made it to the Institute after Alcatraz Island. There was one detail she left for last.

"I don't know what you did while with Magneto for those eight months after you left with him, but I do know that when Bobby went to the Brooklyn Cure clinic to find Rogue, you set the bottom floor of the building on fire." She lowered her head, not wanting to see his face - whether he were shocked or smug about taking innocent people's lives. "The fire killed several people, including some mutants."

Silence filled the room. Kitty couldn't stand it anymore and looked up to find John staring blankly over her shoulder at the wall behind her. "John?"

Life suddenly gleamed in his eyes again, and he turned his bewildered gaze on her. "Why did I leave here in the first place?"

Kitty took a shallow breath, trying desperately to hold in her emotion.

"For a few reasons, I think. A lot of times, I blamed myself. You don't open up to a lot of people, but we were really getting close. I knew you had feelings for me and I had feelings for you as well, but Peter, out of the blue, asked me on a date."

John shifted uncomfortably. I knew vaguely of Kitty's crush on Peter from Jubilee teasing her about it.

"I couldn't resist, since I'd had a crush on him since my first day here. That didn't sit well with you, and you started to ignore me. I thought you were only being immature, so I ignored you right back and our whole friendship collapsed. About fives week later, you received a call from your mother in Australia."

"My mother?" John growled, his features suddenly darkening. "What did she have to say?" _As if I really cared in the first place_ - he thought.

"No one is sure, but it upset you so badly it seemed like your harshness and jerk attitude shot up to its maximum capacity most of the time. Before the call, at least you held your tongue a lot and didn't go around setting people on fire. But after, it was like you could care less about everything and anything, even the people who were closest to you. I guess that's why it was so easy for you to leave when Magneto offered."

John pushed off the bed and walked into the small bathroom, flicking on the overhead light. Kitty stayed planted in the chair for a minute, waiting to see what he was doing- but all John did was stand in front of the sink, not moving. She cautiously made her way to the open doorway of the bathroom. John was staring in the mirror, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Who is that in the mirror?" he asked, breaking the thick silence.

Bewildered, Kitty replied, "It's you, John."

"When did I become a blonde?" He turned on the faucet, running a hand under the water then smoothing his hair back as he use to wear it while living at the Institute. Even doing that didn't satisfy him though. "I don't recognize this person in the mirror."

"John!" Kitty cried when John's fist smashed through the mirror. Shards of glass flew out, shattering into the sink and on the floor. Kitty phased before the shards could hit her, but John didn't flinch.

John's hand was the first thing Kitty saw when she opened her eyes and became tangible again. Deep gashes covered his fist, red from the blood that started to seep out in thick drops. Scratches on John's face that were beginning to bleed as well horrified Kitty. She immediately unraveled toilet paper from the holder and pressed it against John's face.

"What were you thinking?" she asked, as she applied a bunch of toilet paper over his bloodied fist. "You could have really hurt yourself, John! Do you have any glass in your eyes?"

She was starting to become worried that he wasn't responding. He finally breathed in deep and mumbled, "My eyes are fine."

John switched his gaze to her, their faces inches apart. She didn't know how to react to his smoldering, dark eyes. She was scared and worried and confused at what to do. John always had that affect on her, but not to this intense degree.

She didn't have to do anything though. John pulled his wounded hand away and pushed passed Kitty. He stepped over to his bed, taking a seat on it, shoulders tense. Kitty unrolled more toilet paper and stalked up to John. She knelt in front of him, pressing a bunch to the cuts on his face.

"I better get Dr. McCoy to come take a look at your hand," she said, removing the blood stained paper and examining his hand. "It most likely has glass in it."

She looked up at his face again. John's eyes were brooding. There wasn't a doubt in her gut that he was faking the amnesia. She knew John well enough to know he wore his emotions on his sleeve, especially his anger.

"Hold this on your hand." She gave him another bunch then stood and walked to the door. "I'll be right back."


End file.
